It’s that sappy time of the year where we get together with friends and family to reminisce about the last 12 months and how our lives have changed. 2017 was… eventful… to say the least. Similar to a car wreck, where no matter how gruesome it got, you simply couldn’t look away. New Yorkers are nothing if not resilient, so with one month left until 2018 we look back at all we are thankful for.
- Thank you MTA for your daily delays and shutdowns. Always making us late to work while enjoying the constant smell of urine and body odor. Thank you for the added bonus of having to watch as buskers flip around poles in overcrowded cars. Nearly getting hit in the face is the perfect way to wake up our reflexes and start the day!
- And thank you MTA for being so overcrowded that even if you do make it to your stop on time, you can’t get off because no one moves when you say “excuse me”. Jump, yell, kick, spit, scream – it doesn’t matter, no one gets out of the way.
- Thank you Donald Trump for having 5th Ave permanently closed around the golden home you no longer live in. It’s always a treat having to find another route during rush hour. And we especially appreciate the millions of dollars we spend on your security.
- Thank you to Taxis that slow down to ask you where you’re going, but then drive off and don’t pick you up.
- Thank you Cookie DŌ NYC for opening and giving New Yorkers delicious edible raw cookie dough. We especially appreciate the consistency of your long lines that wrap around the block – day or night, cold or warm weather, we can always count on your lengthy wait times.
- Thank you NYC rent increases for allowing us to spend thousands on a shoe box with a fridge. Not having to leave your bed to cook dinner is a blessing other cities don’t get to experience.
- And thank you NYC lease agreements for asking that we earn 40-80 times our rent, begging the question, if we made that much money wouldn’t we be living in a better apartment? One where our toilet isn’t in the living room?
- Thank you movie filming crews for preventing us access to our apartments, offices, train stations, and anywhere else we had planned to go! Even better would be to see myself, fuzzy slippers and unmade hair, included as an extra in your movie.
- Thank you NYC job market for being so competitive that with my honors degree, intern experience, and plethora of recommendations I have been hired… at Starbucks.
- Thank you mysterious liquid dripping off the side of the building on to my head. Not only are you refreshing but it’s always so fun to play the guessing game of – was that urine? A/C fluid? Dirty gutter rain? Or was someone just spitting on me?
- Thank you Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Louis CK, Harvey Weinstein for being the advent calendar of 2017; everyday a new man fired for showing their Anthony Weiner!
- Thank you Anthony Scaramucci for being the sequel to “How to Lose A Guy in Ten Days” that Kate Hudson never gave us.
- Thank you NYC bars for making us wait in line in sweltering heat or freezing rain and charging an entire days wage to get inside – only to find out your bar is empty.
- Thank you NYC rats for being bigger than our cats, scarier than our bosses, and dirtier than the floor of the Subway tracks.
- A special out-of-town thank you to the Women’s March for bringing to light all the sexist friends we had on Facebook this year. Feeling much lighter after that deleting purge.
- And in that same token, thank you to the Charlottesville’s white nationalist rally for doing the same. The countless men who were outed and lost their jobs or friends was a treat like no other!
New Yorkers, comment below with what you’re thankful for this holiday season!